Secret Love
by raphxleoforever
Summary: Any person who reads the comics or watches the shows/movies is able to tell that Raphael is 100% badass. He believes in 'fight first think later'. Will his feelings for his older brother Leonardo finally overcome his negative attitude? Will he be able to discover who he really is? Contains mild yoai and tcest so do not read if you don't like. I don't own TMNT! Feedback please!
1. Emotional Motions

RAPHAEL'S POV

I wake to the sound of my alarm clock going off. 5:30am. I groaned and rolled over, quickly bashing the snooze button before it wakes everyone. For a few minutes I bury myself in deep into my thoughts, dreading training this morning. I doubt I'd be able to even look at Leo, not after what happened between us last night.

After a few minutes of silence, I hear my door creak open. I pray that it isn't Leo.

"Good morning Raphie boy!" Mikey says in almost a yell as he loudly barges into my room. "Training starts in 15 minutes!" A wide smile began to creep across his face as he ran out of my room and headed into the kitchen, I'm guessing.

I sigh and dangle my feet over the edge of my hammock, not wanting to go anywhere. "C'mon Raph you can do this. It's just Leo. It's just your older brother. Everything will be fine. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" I think to myself, grinding my teeth in nervousness. It only takes a few seconds for those positive thoughts to turn sour. "What if he talks to me? What if he can tell what I'm thinking? What if Master Splinter, Donnie and Mikey find out? What i…" I stop myself before I go into a nervous breakdown. I slowly stand up, my feet cold against the concrete floor. I grab my gear off of the floor next to my foot and hesitantly begin to put it on. I start to tie my red mask around my head when I see my door handle twisting.

"R-raph, I um…" Leonardo said as he walked closer to me but his eyes met mine and he immediately stopped.

"What do you want fearless." I say as a secure my mask with a tight knot. My voice was trembling.

"W-we need to talk about what you said to me last night." My heart was beating so loud I swear it was about to come out of my chest. I could feel my pulse everywhere in my body. He couldn't see me this nervous. I can't let him think that I'm weak. I walked towards my weight set in the back corner of my room. I rested my hands on one of the weights to stop my fists from clenching. I can't lose my cool, not now.

"No we don't!" I yell back at him. Instantly getting defensive. Since when did Leo care about what I thought anyway.

"I need t…" he began as Donnie came bursting in.

"Oh. Sorry. Am I interrupting something?" Donnie says.

"No. We were just leaving." I say glaring at him. He took a step back and spoke as he began to leave the room.

"Sensei wants us all in the dojo, now."

I left the room without glancing in my older brother's direction once. I don't really know what I was feeling at that point. Angry? Embarrassed? Nervous? I just wish he knew what I really feel towards him. If only he knew.


	2. The Way of the Ninja

LEONARDO'S POV

I couldn't stop thinking about what happened between Raph as I slowly and silently walked down the stairs, keeping my distance away from him. I remember how I felt when he told me that he liked me. How it felt like my heart had stopped beating. The feeling of warmth run throughout my body. I just wish that I told him how I felt as well before he stormed off. I entered the dojo and sat silently beside my youngest brother.

"Good morning my sons!" Master Splinter said to the four of us, sounding slightly more eager than usual.

"Good morning Master Splinter." We all said in perfect synchrony, which is to be expected after all these years.

"Since the four of you have spent so much time of late practising your fighting techniques, today we will be getting in touch with our spiritual sides," he said with some excitement in his voice. I immediately looked to the others, all groaning in disappointment.

"Seriously sensei?" Mikey says to Master Splinter. He sounded like he thought sensei was joking.

"Silence is a key factor in being a ninja, Michelangelo."

Donnie and I glanced at each other and slightly laughed. Raph just kept staring at the ground. I knew that all my brothers hated meditation. Mikey just can't stay still long enough, Donnie wants nothing more than to go and work on one of his many projects and Raph just wants to do something physical. I on the other hand was thrilled, I loved meditation ever since I was young. Sensei gave us the go to start. A few minutes into the meditation I hear Mikey's voice.

"Ow, what was that for?" Mikey said in reaction to Master Splinter hitting him on his hand with his walking stick.

"Silence Michelangelo." Splinter replies.

I try as hard as I can to focus on my meditation, but today, I just can't. Getting a little frustrated I close my eyes but catch them opening once again, looking over to Raph. He looks so peaceful. Normally he looks agitated at something but right now, his chest is rising at a perfect rate and he looks as if nothing could break his concentration. I study his face carefully before I see his eyes suddenly flicker open and before I have time to react, I see him looking directly at me. I instantly feel redness filling my cheeks and shift my eyes quickly to the floor. My stomach begins to churn and I begin to breathe rapidly. Embarrassment floods through my body. I look around to see sensei looking at me confused.

"Is everything alright Leonardo?" He says to me. I panic as I start to think if he knows what just happened.

"Y-yes sensei everything's fine. I-I just need some air." I say to him, my voice shaky.

I bit my lip down in an attempt to distract myself from what had just happened. I quickly stood up and sent a glance over to Raph's direction. He looks back at me, looking like he's in shock. I bolted out of the dojo, past the living room, kitchen then out of the entrance to the lair. I don't stop running until my legs feel numb.


	3. Falling For You

RAPHAEL'S POV

"Geez it's freezing up here," I think to myself. I had followed Leo topside. I had to know what he thought. I had to know why he stormed out during training. I jump from rooftop to rooftop, looking down as a leaped over the dark quiet alleyways. I don't stop until I reach the place where Leo and I always explored when we were kids, no one else knew where it was, it was our place so that's where I decided where he had to be. I walked forward a few steps before I heard very light sobbing. Following the sound, I take my next left and that's where I see him. He had his knees brought up to his chest and his face was buried in his knees.

"L-leo?" I said to him in almost a whisper.

"Just leave me alone Raph." He replied. I couldn't decide whether he had anger in his voice or not but I don't care. I need to comfort him in some way.

"Look, I know I messed up okay? This is all my fault. I'm sorry." After I said that he looked at me with pity. I immediately forced my eyes to look at the ground. I could feel him still staring at me and I felt like a needed to look back at him but I couldn't give into his stare. I heard Leo begin to stand up and walk towards me. He rested his arm on my shoulder and I flinched away.

"Why on earth are you apologising?" Leo said calmly to me, slowly moving closer.

"Because I'm screwing everything up," my voice was trembling I spoke the words, "can we just go back to the way things were before I said anything to you about how I feel, please?"

I could feel tears begin to well up inside of me but I couldn't let them fall. It would just show Leo how weak I truly am. I lift my head to see Leo staring directly back at me.

"No, we can't." Leo said calmly, I could feel the reassurance in my older brother's voice, even though he said it with the slightest bit of laughter.

"W-we can't b-because…" Leo said, his voice quivering.

"Because of what, fearless."

"We can't because I um, like you too."

My heart skipped a beat. He likes me too. This can't be real.

"But nothing can ever happen between us, we're brothers, remember?"

I stared blankly at him. At this moment I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Every part of my body had the urge to do it but my mind was more reluctant. I couldn't stop myself, my body had defeated my mind. I leant towards him carefully grabbing his face lightly in my hands. I thought for sure he would pull away but he didn't. instead he groaned lightly. I keep thinking 'this is wrong, we're brothers, what's wrong with you Raph." But this suddenly became an unimportant feeling when I looked into his eyes. I should feel grossed out but I'm feeling the complete opposite. I want him.

"T-this is w-wrong, but I can't stop myself," Leo says.

Before I could say anything back to him I felt Leo's mouth firmly pressed against mine. We stayed like this for a moment before I want more and clearly so did he. I opened my mouth ever so slightly and it wasn't long before Leonardo's tongue was tangled with mine. I had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn't dreaming. This was too good to be true.


	4. Deep Thinking

LEONARDO'S POV

"Raph and I kissed last night," I thought to myself as I sat silently in the dojo by myself. If I was going to come down here to meditate without any disturbances, I had to come down early, earlier than Master Splinter's shows began. My thoughts carried on. "I don't know why or even how it happened, but..." I paused as I took a deep breath in. "Okay, okay. Maybe I do know why it happened." The feeling of a small grin began to creep quickly across my face as I said those words. "It was wrong, so very wrong. What the heck is your problem Leo?! He's your brother! It's not like anything could happen anyway."

Just as that was said I began to hear movements happening downstairs. The footsteps were much too loud to be sensei's, Mikey's almost never awake until at least noon, so it must be either Raph or Donnie. To be honest I really didn't care who it was, I just needed to remain silent so I wouldn't be bothered.

The thoughts I had my mind began to run crazy. "What if he's thinking about the kiss we shared last night as well? What if he's craving more just as I was?" I could feel my stomach churning and my breathing started to speed up. I need to calm down. I inhaled then exhaled. "Okay, I need to clear my mind," I thought to myself. "Who am I kidding? He probably completely regrets it now. What kind of brother am I? I just hope that the kiss didn't mess anything up, well, at least not more messed up than things already were. Urgh."

"Get away from me Donnie!" I heard Raph yell from what sounds like the kitchen. Raph's heavy and loud footsteps quickly stormed up the stairs. Loud banging and clashing sounds filled the lair.

"Raphael!" Master Splinter called, sounding very disappointed.

The loud cacophony didn't stop. If anything, it actually got louder, as if Raph heard sensei but just got angrier. The footsteps of Raph started to sound like they were coming down the stairs. "Great, now he's coming downstairs, this can't end well." I thought as I saw the dojo's sliding panels open and my purple banded younger brother appear.

"I didn't think you were awake yet," Donnie said to me with a confused look. I ignored him, worrying more about Raph, I hate him being like this.

"W-what happened with Raph. I mean, whats got his bandana in a knot?"

"I, uh, actually don't really know. I walked into the kitchen to get breakfast and heard him mumbling to himself and, well, I asked him what he was doing." Donnie replied. I could feel my body tense up and felt oddly curious about what he was mumbling. I needed to know, even if it wasn't about me at all.

"W-what was h-he mumbling to himself?" I said stuttering throughout the sentence, hoping that Donnie didn't notice.

"Well, um, he said; 'last night', 'kiss' and 'wrong'. I don't really know what he meant by those words but by my best guess is that h…" Donnie began before hearing Raph's footsteps coming closer, he must be coming to the dojo to blow off some steam. "So Raph was thinking about it too," I think to myself, grinning only very slightly. Within seconds Donnie had left the dojo, sliding the door shut behind him. "Don't come in here, don't come in here." I say in my head as the footsteps begin to get louder and louder. The dojo's sliding panel opened quickly with quite a lot of force behind it. My eyes shot up to look at Raph and he glared back at me with nothing but anger in his eyes.

"What the shell are you looking at, huh fearless," Raph said to me fiercely, making me sudder.


	5. Touch and Go

RAPHAEL'S POV

I stormed down the stairs. I can't believe what Donnie heard me saying about Leo. What if he finds out about me and him? What if he says something to Mikey or even worse, sensei. No one would be in the dojo this early so that's where I decided to go to blow off some steam. In the dojo, I could take my anger out without being talked to by sensei or my annoying brothers. I storm passed the living room and Donnie's lab before reaching the hallway leading down to the dojo, before seeing Donnie sliding the panel shut. I felt a little bad for exploding at him like I did. I guess he was only trying to help me. I shoot a look in his direction and he looks back at me, walking quickly past me.

I reach the dojo's entrance and forcefully slide the panel open and that's when I see him looking directly at me. He was sitting with his legs crossed on a mat towards the left side of the room, he must've been meditating. I glanced over to Leo and he stared back at me.

"What the shell are you looking at, huh fearless," I say to him with rage in my voice. Leo immediately froze and looked away. I didn't mean to sound as angry as I did but it just, well, came out. I couldn't help it.

I then turned my head towards the other side of the room. I fixed my gaze upon my weight set to the right of the room then looked at my punching bag that stood directly in front of me and began walking towards my punching bag. My temper has been getting worse lately, ever since that terrible night when my brothers and I finally took down the Shredder for what is hopefully the last time. I spent the whole night fearing for my brothers' lives, not caring for my own as much as I cared for theirs. That dreadful night was traumatizing and the nightmares still haunt me and frequently make me wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

1... 2… 3… 4… I count the number of times I hit the bag. 5… 6… My punching gets harder and the almost healed blisters on my knuckles split open and blood begins to gush onto my hand. I don't focus on that though, I keep my attention focused on hitting the bag as hard and as many times as I possibly can to get rid of my anger. 7… 8… 9… I stop punching and jump suddenly when I feel a warm hand rest on my shoulder. I shrug it off and keep going. 10… 11…

"Hey, earth to Raph," Leo says, slightly smirking at the end, cute.

"Here." He says as he takes a neatly folded note from behind his back and places it carefully in the palm of my hand.

"W-wha…" I begin to respond but before I could finish my question, he was already gone. I smiled as I delicately unfolded the note and started to read it, focusing intently on every word.

R,

Rooftop. 11pm sharp.

L.


	6. Reality Check

LEONARDO'S POV

It was weird not seeing Raph for the most part of the day and I really didn't like it. I missed him being around. The sound of the subway fills my ears, even from the rooftops it's loud. As I look out at the city, bright lights consume my eyes. New York is always busy this time of year, people are everywhere, and it's in these times that I feel relieved that my family and I live underground.

Minutes pass by and I start to worry that Raph wouldn't show up. 'Did he forget? Did he just not feel like coming? Argh." I say to myself.

"H-hey," Raph's says from behind me. Relief fills my body. He came.

"Hey," I replied.

"Can we make this quick, it's freezing up here and being cold blooded doesn't exactly help with the situation." Raph said to me before winking subtly, I smiled back. This is the moment that I wanted to get over and done with as quick as possible. But I have made my decision, it needs to be done, no matter how much I didn't want to do it.

"L-listen, Raph. We need to talk about last night and us k-kissing." I say as I look at him and see him looking deeply back into my eyes. I need to be the responsible one. I couldn't do this, but I knew I had to. It is the right thing to do.

"I-it was great, but it can't happen again." I look towards the ground as the words escape my mouth, I couldn't look at Raph right now or I would have an emotional breakdown. I bit my lip to stop myself from letting out a sob. I felt if as though I was about to collapse, I've never felt so weak in my life. Not looking up to Raph, I force myself to carry on.

"I-it was wrong and if anyone finds ou…"

Before I could finish I felt Raph's lips softly pressed against my own. After a few sweet seconds he pulled away very slightly. I could still feel his breath against my face.

"You can't tell me that you didn't like that." Raph's says in an irresistible voice, making me completely lose my train of thought.

That's when I knew that I didn't want anything else but him. He leant in to kiss me again. I pulled away only slightly, teasing him. Raph wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer towards his body. I ran my hands up and down his muscular arms. Raph's much stronger than myself and his muscle definition is so much more dominant. I slowly begin to kiss his neck, not stopping until I heard Raph let out a moan.

"You can't tell me that you don't want this." He whispered in my ear, holding my close against his muscly figure.

"B-but Raph. We're brothers, and what will the others think?!" I whisper back.

Before I could try to protest any longer, he pressed his lips against mine once more, sending warmth throughout my veins. We made out passionately for what seemed like hours before I slowly began to lay him down on the ground and straddle him playfully. Our bodies fit perfectly together, like we were made for each other. I leant down to kiss him again.

"Mhmm." Raph moaned in pleasure.

"W-we can't stop doing this." Raph says to me in a hushed tone.

"I-I agree." I reply as I look deeply into his eyes.


End file.
